Embracing Adventure After Major Life Changes

In this heartfelt episode of Untethered and Wanderwise, hosts Nicky Omohundro and Heidi Brandes share their personal journeys of embracing adventure after major life changes. After both experiencing the end of 28-year relationships, they discuss how travel became not just an escape but a path to rediscovery and transformation.

From conquering driving anxiety to exploring the Amazon with one pair of underwear, Nicky and Heide offer practical advice for women over 45 who are ready to start their own travel adventures. They break down everything from budgeting strategies and safety tips to utilizing travel technology while addressing common concerns like "Isn't it selfish to travel alone at my age?"

The hosts share how solo travel helped them rebuild their confidence, make unexpected connections, and find joy in new experiences. Whether you're dealing with divorce, becoming an empty nester, or simply seeking a change, this episode reminds listeners that it's never too late to start your next chapter. Join these engaging storytellers as they prove that life's biggest plot twists can lead to the most amazing adventures.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Nicky and Heide: Have you ever stood at the edge of your comfort zone, passport in hand, wondering if you're brave enough to take that first step? Maybe you're leafing through old travel magazines.

Yeah, those are still around. Dreaming of places you've never been. You never thought you'd see on your own, or perhaps you're standing in an empty nest, realizing that your time is truly your own for the first time in decades. 

This is the story of us, as women, who dare to say yes to adventure after 45. Women who turned life's biggest plot twist into the beginning of their greatest chapters.

If you're wondering If it's too late to write your own adventure story, well, that's exactly why we are here. 

Welcome to Untethered and Wanderwise. where we celebrate the journey of rediscovery through travel after 45. I'm Nicky Omohundro.

I'm Heidi Brandes. Today, we're diving deep into a topic that's close to both of our hearts. Embracing adventure after major life changes. And when we say close to our hearts, we really do mean it. It's been just over a year since I filed for divorce after 28 years of marriage, and that kind of change shakes your whole world. 

It really does. I went through something similar when I ended my relationship of 28 years. And it's suddenly like having to rewrite your entire life story. I mean, my entire adult life, I was a we. Now I'm suddenly. I know that. Exactly.

Now, my divorce was final in May. He moved out on my birthday. On your birthday. On my birthday. Probably thought it was going to be horrible. Best birthday gift ever. I celebrated the entire month, and that was just the icing on the cake. I was there with you. Yep, we did celebrate.

What's the amazing part of that whole thing was in just these past 12 months, I've traveled to four countries and eight states. Places I never thought I would see on my own.

And for my upcoming 50th birthday this year, I'm headed to Peru for my very first trip to South America. And I am proud and honored to say I'm going with you to celebrate your big birthday. So much fun.

So, yeah, I mean, You've been busy. And I think I might have gone a little wild myself. I went to all seven continents, more than 10 states since my relationship ended. To be honest, I think I was trying to outrun my thoughts at first, but then it turned into something else entirely.

That's exactly it. It kind of starts as an escape, but then it really becomes an adventure. Each new place that I travel to taught me something about myself. Last year I also vowed to do, try, see, or eat one new thing every week just to keep that sense of adventure going. And it was so much fun. 

I actually continue that into this year, especially as I become an empty nester when my youngest son graduates high school in May. 

It's amazing how life works, isn't it? I mean, I remember my 50th birthday, it was a wild birthday trip to the Amazon. And this was pretty close after my breakup and standing there with no luggage, because my luggage didn't make it to the Amazon.

I remember this. On a leaky tugboat so far out in the Amazon jungles of Brazil that we weren't really on any map at that point, I realized. This wasn't an ending. It was a new beginning. It was the start of Heidi 2. 0, so to speak. 

Oh, that's fantastic. And I do remember that story. And you told that story a couple of different ways in different magazines.

Oh, yes. Yes. Because when you have to spend nine days in the deep jungle with one pair of panties, it makes you see life differently. And it forces you outside your comfort zone. You realize just how much you don't need. 

Exactly. So, but Doing something new. That's exactly what we're going to be talking about today. How travel isn't just about seeing new places. It's about rediscovering yourself when life throws you a curve ball. 

 So whether it's divorce, retirement, becoming an empty nester, or any other major life change, travel can be incredibly transformative.

Let's start with something we hear all the time from our listeners, even our friends. They talk about the voice in their head saying, "Isn't it selfish to travel alone at my age?" "Shouldn't I be focused on my family or saving for retirement?"

Okay. I think we need to address this head on. There's this misconception that women our age should always put everyone else first. Like we've done most of our lives, right? 

But here's the truth. Taking time for yourself isn't selfish. It's essential. After all, you can't fill someone else's cup, if your own cup is empty. Exactly. 

So solo travel is the perfect opportunity to do just that. Refill your own cup, reconnect with yourself and find new passions and interests.

Plus, it's a great way to break out of old routines and challenge yourself to do something new. Exactly. 

When you're traveling alone, you can choose what you want to do and when you want to do it. You don't have to compromise or cater to anyone else's preferences. And this freedom allows for self discovery and growth.

 The best part is there are so many different ways to travel either with friends or solo.

Yeah, for instance, you could go on a guided tour, you can volunteer abroad, or you could even take a road trip all by yourself. And you know what? When you return from these adventures, you're actually a better mother, grandmother, friend, because you're more fulfilled and more energized.

So last weekend, you and I went out with friends to a new Roaring Twenties themed bourbon bar here in Oklahoma city. That was a lot of fun. It was. but while we were there, we met a woman and we started talking about travel and she was talking about cruising the Bahamas and then taking a month long trip to Barcelona, really great lady.

Well, it turns out she's recently divorced after 48 years and has made travel a priority in her post divorce life. 

You know, it's amazing how travel can bring people together and create connections with strangers. And the best part is it's never too late to start exploring the world. We hear that all the time.

"Am I too old?" No, no. And what was great is this lady that we met, she was talking about she wasn't 20 years old anymore. And she had some physical limitations now that she was a little bit older. She was in her sixties and she's like, I'm still going to do it and do it in my own terms. You know, I may not be able to climb to the top of the mountain, but I sure as heck, I'm going to go and enjoy everything up until that point.

 Yeah. And there are so many ways you can. Work in your own comfort level. If you do have physical limitations, most cruises, a lot of tour companies will work with you on that. 

There's nothing or no one saying you can't just do a simple road trip. So traveling, even within your own country can just be as enriching as taking around the world adventure. There's so many little off the beaten path destinations right here, usually within like an hour's drive and we often overlook them. It's fun to be a tourist in your own town. 

It's true and with technology nowadays planning a trip has become so much easier and accessible for everyone. Yeah. 

You remember when we couldn't read a map?

Oh, remember when you had to go to the bookstore and buy world maps? And I still love guidebooks. I still love getting, the Frommers, I still love getting Lonely Planet and Moon Guides and because they're really great guidebooks, but now. 

You've got all kinds of sites online. You've got blogs, you've got TikToks, Instagram Reels.

Yeah. What's, what's a really good blog there, Nicky? That would be my other site, littlefamilyadventure.com. There you go. And then at some point, Explore More Getaways will be live.

But too, you know, I do like a moon guide. There's always great information from people that know the area and it's vetted and fact checked something that we don't get with AI.

Yeah. So, but you know, I love using sites like booking.com, Atlas Obscura, and get your guide to find unique accommodations and activities. 

 Don't forget about all the different modes of transportation that's available to us. Now you don't have to just stick to planes and trains. There are also buses, great bus tours, um, boats, even bike tours that can add a whole new level to your travel experience.

And just last week on the podcast, we talked about our trip to New York City and how easy it was to navigate the subway system. And that's an adventure too. Oh yes. I mean, we talked about this last week on the podcast.  We've both been to New York City a number of times and we would never rent a car in the city.

Oh, never. Always take public transit. And if absolutely necessary, we take a ride share. It's just, it's super easy. It's just like DC. You know, that's another great city that is easy to navigate through transit. Chicago is another one if you're downtown. 

 Let's also not forget about the connections we make with people along the way, whether we're striking up a conversation with someone on a train, Or staying at a homestay and learning about local customs and traditions.

These interactions create lasting memories that often lead to lifelong friendships. 

It just goes to show that no matter where you go, there will always be opportunities to connect with others and learn something new. Travel truly is a universal language that brings people together in unexpected ways.

[00:10:00] I've been on trips. where there are people from a dozen different countries, dozen different cultures. And after a few days, suddenly everybody is their own. We're our own country now. We're the travelers traveling together and you bond so quickly. And some of these people I still talk to today.

I tend to do more work trips than I do personal trips every year, and I will travel solo to the destination, not knowing a single soul. At the end of it, you know, most of us come away with a commonality and we are closer than what we started off with and many of us keep in touch.

When we were in New York city, it was great to see people that I've been on work trips with previous years before. And it was like, Oh, Hey, got to catch up. 

Then when you find friends that you were in a completely different town and do you look on Instagram or like, Hey, are you at such a, yeah, yeah. And you end up getting together and kind of just spur of the moment. 

Yeah. I, I took my first solo cruise and fall of 2023. It was a week long from florida to puerto rico. Day one, I had friends because it was a cruise kind of geared more towards solo female travelers. So we were looking for each other. We were finding friends super quick. And again, I'm still in touch with some of these people. 

The cruise that I did may, I'm sorry, March of 23 was a Princess Cruise. I went to a singles event because I was there traveling with my children but I wanted some adult interaction too. So I was able to go to some of the singles event and meet people there. My daughter also went to a different singles event and still has friends that she talks to regularly from that. 

 It just goes to show that no matter where you go, there will always be opportunities to connect with others and learn something new. 

It's never too late to start your journey exploring the world. 

Now, speaking of journeys, let's talk about how you actually start. What's that first step? I always recommend what I call the ripple approach. So, if you're new to travel, start with a day trip to a nearby city you've never explored, even if it's just 20 miles up the road. Maybe a weekend getaway. Build up your confidence gradually and slowly.

You don't have to pop up and do three months in Thailand right off. I mean, maybe sounds like a plan to me, but you know, if you're new, maybe go stay at a nice B& B at that charming little small town. That's outside the place you live. Exactly. 

this is actually how I started after I filed for divorce. You mean before? Well, I had severe driving anxiety. I'd had it for well over 10 years. It was so bad that in the past, if I thought about driving, I would have horrible anxiety and even panic attacks. So the way that I coped for many years was I had a very small bubble near my home. And if I didn't think about driving, I could at least get to the grocery store. I could get to, you know, The kids school or I had to rely on someone else ride share was great at that time, you know, my husband was the one that did the majority of the driving, 

But when I decided to file for divorce, I knew that I was going to have to conquer that fear. And I had started to the year before that, but it really wasn't until I made the decision to leave that I finally had to put my big girl panties on and I'm like, if I'm going to do this, I've really got to do this.

So what I did is I took a solo trip and it was just a day trip about an hour away. That was huge for me because I hadn't done it in well over 10 years. So, as I said, those anxiety and pain attacks were bad, but. I, you know, I did it and I was so proud of myself. And then I did a weekend trip just a little bit further away.

 Then a few weeks later, I drove eight hours with two of my children to see my brother in Austin. You know, I couldn't tell you the last time I did that. And it was so freeing because it was like, I did this, I can conquer anything. 

Yeah. And that was a smart strategy, Nicky. It's important to start small and then build up your confidence gradually. It takes a lot of courage to face our fears and push through them. But the sense of accomplishment afterwards is incredible. I'm sure it's not only improved your driving skills, but. Also your overall self confidence. You should be proud of yourself for taking that step and not letting fear hold you back.

Yeah. No, I can't say that my driving skills have improved. Um, cause yeah, my son, he's 17. He's like, God, what are you doing? You're supposed to see their tires supposed to stop and see their tires. I'm like, do as I say, not as I do. He's like, can you say I'm a bad driver? I'm like, So, but thanks Heidi. I appreciate it.

You know, it definitely hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it. Now I can drive anywhere without feeling anxious or having panic attacks because I decided that I was going to do it. I'm amazed how much freedom and independence that gave me. And yes, my self confidence has greatly improved as you very well know.

Facing my fears head on has made me realize that. So let's break down some practical planning tips for our listeners. First up, budgeting, because let's be honest, many of us are balancing travel dreams and financial realities. 

This is really crucial, and I've learned a system that's called the 30 30 30 10 rule for travel budgeting.

Oh, please share this. I definitely need it. I do too. So, 30 percent of your budget should go towards your accommodation, 30 percent to transportation, 30 percent to experiences and food, and 10 percent is your safety net for unexpected opportunities and challenges. And there's so many ways to make travel more affordable now, how sitting home exchanges and and one of my favorites off season travel.

I love off season travel or a shoulder season as it's called. Um, it's usually less crowds. Everything's a little cheaper because it's not their high season. You have a more intimate experience, I think. Yes. That's I completely agree with that. 

So I remember my first solo trip to Turkey. I was in old town, Caliche and Antalya. I was there for a conference, but I had come in two or three days early because I just wanted some time to explore. No idea. I had never traveled solo internationally by myself. Before I had gone to Africa, but it was big group bus tour and I was handheld all the way. So I ended up finding this beautiful little room that cost me, I'm not kidding, 14 US dollars.

They served a full Turkish breakfast on the rooftop every morning. It was safe. It was beautiful. It was clean. I just loved it. 

That is amazing. I mean, $14. Yeah. And it really was helpful because I had changed only about 20 US dollars into Turkish lira at the airport and my ride that was supposed to pick me up that I had booked wasn't there. So I ended up taking this taxi. I had to point to the address because obviously you don't speak Turkish.

It's the middle of the night. It's 1030 at night. He drives, it takes about 40 minutes. We get to old town Caliche. I pop out, I get up into, and it's like the third story on this building. I get up there. It's beautiful. And the man was very nice. And that's when I realized. Both my wallet and my passport had fallen out of my purse and we're in the back of the cab.

Oh no. And that poor, man, I mean, I had enough Turkish lira to pay for the room. And it was like exhausted. It was 10 hour flight. And it was like, I'll figure it out in the morning. He was just as upset as I was. 

About 20 minutes later, he comes to my door. He's knocking and he's jumping up and down. He's so happy. He's like, they found your, they find your wallet. They find your passport. He's coming back now. I mean, this cab driver came back with my wallet full of American money, full of credit cards and my passport and just returned it. Of course, I tipped him really, really well. But I was just so pleased that, you know, at the kindness of strangers.

Oh, that's absolutely fantastic. And another beautiful aspect of solo travel are those unexpected connections, kind of like with your cab driver that become part of your life story.

Let's talk about safety because that's often the first concern. A lot of women mention, um, and even some destinations have talked about People ask them all the time.

It's a valid concern, but I will always say being smart about safety doesn't mean being afraid. Exactly. It comes down to having common sense and being situationally aware. Exactly. 

We've got some great practical tips that we both follow. First, we always share our itinerary with trusted friends or families, and that does it matter if we're going solo or with a group? Yeah. We always use reputable booking sites and read recent reviews. 

So you remember that trip to the Amazon on the leaky tugboat, and yeah, I booked that throughout a non-reputable booking site, and I did not read the reviews. Um, so yeah, it was not quite what I expected. 

Trust your instincts. They're usually right, and we as women need to do this more. That first gut impression; listen to it. 

[00:20:00]  Yes. So if you're walking down a street and you feel uneasy, turn around. Turn around. You know, if you've booked a site and you're reading a review and you're like, uh, I'm not quite sure, but now that's not the one for you. You'll know exactly what's meant for you when that time comes. 

Join women's travel groups on social media for real-time advice and support. And remember, most places are safer than we're led to believe. The media often sensationalizes dangers, especially when it comes to women traveling alone. I mean, I know this; I'm in the media.

But the reality is most people are good, and they're willing to help. Plus, traveling solo can be incredibly empowering and liberating. Absolutely. 

Let's not forget about the benefits of solo travel. You have complete control over your itinerary. You can focus on your own interests and desires and may even make new friends along the way.

So don't let fear hold you back from experiencing all the amazing things this world has to offer. Just use caution, trust your gut, use your common sense and embrace the adventure. 

Let's talk tech for a minute because this is something our age group sometimes struggles with, but it can make travel so much easier.

Absolutely. First up, Google Maps, which is kind of the gold standard for travel or transportation maps. It works offline, so you don't need data to navigate. You just need to keep the app open on your phone. Absolutely. 

And then WhatsApp for staying in touch without expensive international plans. And I've also found if you transfer photos between an Android and an iPhone, it actually sends a better quality photo. Okay. Yeah. 

 Google Translate with the camera feature. Absolutely. Lifesaver for menu signs and landmarks. 

 Don't forget safety apps like Life 360 or Find My Friends, so family can track your location if you want them to.

Yes, I always have what I call a proof of life person back home. This is the person I check in with daily when traveling solo, alerting them that I'm alive and well. Usually it's just a text saying I'm on the plane to wherever and that I've arrived safely. then a daily text showing them me. That's a great idea, and I need to adopt that.

Mm hmm. You might be my proof of life person. Yeah, I do have you on Find My Friends. When you were in Africa, it was very fun to see you in the middle of the desert.

I use TripIt to keep all my travel details in one place, and Weather Underground for accurate weather forecasts. I also like, Tripify. Yes, that is a really good one. Tripify, I use almost all the time, and it has all your travel details in one place. Of course, you will have to be attached to Wi Fi to access it, but it's, instead of carrying a big notebook full of loose travel plans, it helps. It does. 

 Don't forget language learning apps, both before and during your trip. ones like Duolingo or Rosetta Stone can make navigating a foreign country much easier. 

Personally, I have both programs. Heidi, what do you use? I'm a big fan of Duolingo. I've been learning German for quite a while. Yeah. Um, but again, when we talked about this, Google Translate is such a handy tool to have on you.

if you're at a museum and all the information is available. In that language, you don't speak. You can use that camera feature we were talking about, be able to read. And if you need directions, you can speak into it, choose your language translates for the other person. Uh, it's amazingly helpful. Oh, definitely.

And for budget travelers, Hostel World or couch surfing are also great resources for finding affordable accommodations. . 

I know a lot of people. Maybe our age might be a little hinky about hostels. I personally like them, but in most hostels, you have the option of getting a private room. So if you don't want to sleep in a dorm like situation, you can have a private room there and they tend to be a little more affordable than hotel rooms.

I've had good luck with hostels. the last one I stayed in was after a trip to Finland. I had a layover in Chicago before I came home. So I chose a hostel not too far from Millennium Park. , it was a small dorm room to say situation, but the three other ladies were my age and they were doing the exact same thing.

So it was fun because I got someone with the same interest level as I had sharing like, Oh, you need to go try here for dinner. You need to go there for this activity. And it was a lot of fun. 

I think we think of hostiles. And when you think of hostiles, a Bunch of 20 somethings out, you know, backpacking the world, but more and more women at our age are using that option.

And I think that too, when you mentioned looking at hotel review sites, that's when it comes in handy as well, exactly what type of a hostel you're doing. Absolutely. And don't underestimate the power of social media, join travelers groups on Facebook or follow hashtags on Instagram to get insider tips and recommendations from fellow travelers.

In fact, when Emily and I went to Madeira. She reached out to someone who is posting these beautiful hiking photos on Instagram. She messaged her and said, Hey, we're going to be there. We would love some recommendations. And that person was so forthcoming with giving us recommendations for guides and where to go.

So don't be afraid to reach out to people. Yeah, definitely. And, you know, one of the things that I really want to address and something a lot of people don't talk about enough is the emotional challenges of solo travel. 

Oh, God, yes, because it's not all Instagram perfect moments. Sometimes you do get lonely or you'll get overwhelmed or something will go sideways and you'll become upset or you just simply get homesick.

I had a complete meltdown last year in North Carolina. I was in Boone , just outside of Asheville. Do you remember the call? I know to you. You were sitting on your hotel room floor, crying your eyes out. It was horrible. It was my first solo trip post divorce. And you know, I still remember it was like, I don't have my proof of life person.

I don't have someone to share that I'm really excited because you were on a trip too. So, but you know what? I think the next day was absolutely amazing. I took myself on a hike, which was one of the best I've taken in a while. I met a great group of ladies and we ended up having dinner with them.

And that's such an important lesson. These hard moments will pass and they often lead to something unexpected and wonderful because. Yeah, in a way, we are still grieving. We're grieving something we've lost, whether it's a life we were used to, um, the ending of a marriage, the loss of the spouse, our kids leaving the house.

So give yourself time to grieve, but don't let grief keep you from exploring and rediscovering yourself. Yeah, because too, the next chapter is just as exciting and can be just as emotional as grieving the loss of what was. Yeah. And then you can look forward to what's coming. 

So, and before we wrap up, let's share our favorite transformative travel memories.

Mine was visiting Quebec City for winter carnival last year. The city was covered in snow and the streets were filled with people celebrating and partaking in winter activities. But my trip didn't start off smoothly at all. My friend's flight was severely delayed and my luggage didn't arrive with me.

So I had to rent a car. And drive to gather essentials before the stores closed. And remember me talking about my driving anxiety? This was still kind of new and it was my first time actually driving in snowy roads. Okay. I'm really, really proud of you because I don't even drive on snowy roads. Well, I didn't have a choice.

So it was like, I was either I go without clean underwear or I drive. So that trip also pushed me to go flat tire biking in the snow and enjoy being outside in cold weather. I grew up in Southern California. You are not a cold weather girl. No, now I'm completely outfitted. But I realized that I was stronger than I ever knew I was both physically and mentally.

One of my first trips after my breakup was to Vancouver Island in British Columbia. And it was the first time I'd ever even attempted to learn how to ski. So it was a winter trip and we were on Mount Washington and there I was. was me and a bunch of toddlers on the bunny hill learning french fries and pizza french fries and pizza and uh I never got off that bunny hill, but I had so much fun And even on that bunny hill I was scared to death of falling down I have a real fear of falling but I felt so proud of myself because I was trying this To me, an extreme sport at this age, and it was a great trip.

We also went wild caving, which I love. We took winter surf lessons and we went storm watching, which is a real big thing on Vancouver Island and, I think it was the first time after my breakup where I wasn't just obsessively thinking about our breakup. 

Now these moments, they definitely changed us. They showed us we're capable of doing so much more than we think. That's why I love traveling. It pushes us out of our comfort zones and helps us grow. Transformative travel is all about seeking experiences that challenge and transform us. It's not about checking off destinations on a bucket list or taking pictures for Instagram.

[00:30:00]It's about immersing ourselves in new cultures, stepping outside into something new and discovering parts of ourselves that we never knew existed before now. One of the biggest blessings that came out of my divorce, apart from being a better version of myself, are the friendships that I've made through traveling, including you, Nikki.

Yes. I mean, we've been friends for years, but it wasn't until You were divorced. My divorce. Yeah. After I filed for divorce, that we really started talking and just realized how much we had in common. And then we started traveling together. Yeah.

In fact, we went to Eureka Springs, was our first trip together, and we have a podcast on that.

We do. Actually this podcast came from having those conversations. Yeah. Because we were driving Eureka Springs and we were talking about. How we needed something that catered to women like us, almost everybody we knew our age was either getting a divorce or the kids were leaving or they've lost a spouse.

And in general, the world treats women over 45 and especially over 50 as if all we want to do is sit at home and knit, maybe go to wine tastings and go antique shopping, which are all fine. I love all three of those. But we also want to climb mountains. Yes, and you want to go skydiving, but I want to learn how to go skiing, and do a Nordic spa, and do all the food tasting that I could possibly do, and sail in a boat along the Italian coast. All the things. 

Traveling can bring people together in such unexpected ways. It creates connections and bonds that can last a lifetime. And yes, even when things don't go as planned during our travels, it adds to the experience and it makes for some great stories later on. 

Yes, it does. Especially when you're talking about the one pair of panties you had.

Oh, yeah. So in the unexpected moments always end up being some of the most memorable. And that's what transformative travel is all about. It's embracing the unexpected and allowing ourselves to grow from it. So let's continue seeking out those life changing experiences and see where they take us next.

 It's never too late to start, whether you're 45, 55 or 75, the world is waiting for you. 

Well, that's it for this week's episode. I hope this conversation has inspired you to keep exploring, keep connecting and keep experiencing all that the world has to offer. No matter where you are in your journey right now, you may feel like, Oh, life is over for me. Nothing will ever be the same. I'll never be happy again. It's not true. 

Traveling is not just about the destination. It's also about the journey and the people we meet along the way and rediscovering ourselves, really. Right. And just like us, it's sad for what It's gone , but the new chapter that's about to open is so amazing.

You just have to have the courage to take that first step towards it. So thanks so much for listening. Until next time, I'm Nicky Omohundro. And I'm Heidi Brandes. Thanks for listening to Untethered and Wanderwise.